Grandparents raising grandbabies
I look around my life and I find that there are so many people that I know that are grandparents and they are raising their grandchildren. Where are the parents? Sadly, this is the world that we live in, we see more and more families with this situation. I never thought in a million years, that I would be joining the ranks of this group of grandparents, but here I am.
I have 2 beautiful grand daughters, ages 8 and 9 that I love with all my heart. I have been in their lives since the day they were born, in fact my husband (Papa) cut the youngest ones umbilical cord. They were at my house as much, if not more, than they were in their own homes. You see, they lived right behind me in an apartment that my husband and I own until last spring. My daughter decided to move and shortly after that , the girls came to live with me.
I have 3 children, the girls’ mom (31 yrs old), a daughter (19 yrs old) and my son (16). I have basically raised all my children and now I feel as though I am starting over. With the situation the way it is with my oldest daughter, I wouldn’t have the girls anywhere else, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy by any means! I just don’t have the energy I had when I was younger and raising my own children. I became disabled several years ago, and due to that I just don’t have the physical ability to do things with my grandchildren that I would like to do. Since I am the parent at this stage in their life, it does require things like doing homework, bath time, school functions, sports, etc. All of those activities, take a toll on my husband and I physically, emotionally and financially. I mean something as simple as getting dinner on the table, doing homework, making sure they are brushing their teeth and taking showers, and then bedtime prayers, wears me out! I am not old by any means, but I am not a spring chicken anymore either.
I admit, I find myself getting mad or frustrated because while I want to be the grandparent that spoils them , fills them with sugar and sends them home, I don’t get to do fun stuff like that. Instead, I have to be the disciplinarian in their lives, and teach them the life skills that a parent should be teaching them. There are challenges involved with the girls , simply because of their emotional state of mind. I found that on days they are missing their mom really bad, they each react in their own different ways. While one of the girls gets sassy and starts acting out, the other one seems to internalize it and gets emotional and clingy. I have sat them both down and talked with them, telling them instead of “acting out” and getting into trouble, to come talk to me. I have given them both journals , so they can write their “feelings” down. However, they are 8 and 9, and they just don’t know how to handle the emotions they are feeling. Prior to coming to live with me, their mom was a single mom for most of their lives. Their dad has been in and out of their lives since the day they were born. So, when they are missing somebody, it is always mom. All I can do is pray over them and be the best parent I know how to be.
I am hoping by writing this post there will be other grandparents out there that are in the same shoes as me, to at the very least know that they aren’t alone. In fact, I looked up some statistics and I found some shocking numbers. In 2010 about 1 in 14 children in the US lived in a household headed by a grandparent, 7% of the children in the US. According to the articles I have read on this subject, that is approx. 4.9 million children. About 920,000 children were living in a grandparents home without one of their parents. How crazy is that statistic!?
I said it before and I will say it again, I LOVE my granddaughters with all my heart and I am so thankful that God has placed them in my home, so I know that they are safe and have a stable home. I hope that as the girls grow up, they know that their Papa and I have done the best job we know in raising them. I pray constantly and hourly for my oldest daughter that she will “wake up” and realize that her girls need her more and more with each passing day. I hope that one day, I will get to be that Nana that spoils the heck out of them and sends them home to their mom, in a loving and stable home. I hope that in some way, I have opened my readers eyes to the joys and tribulations to Grandparents raising grandchildren.
Reference Articles:
http://www.prb.org/Publications/Articles/2012/US-children-grandparents.aspx
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Bless you for taking on all that responsibility. One day those girls will thank you for all your sacrifices. My son is not in his son’s life. His girlfriend moved on, married a very nice guy and had three more kids behind my grandson. My grandson dosen’t even know my son is his father. He hasn’t seen his dad in about 3 years ( Isaiah is going to be 9) and calls his step father dad. He also has his stepfather’s last name although it really isn’t official. I have mixed feelings on this because Isaiah knows I am “Grandma Mickey” but I don’t think he realizes that we are blood. He also calls his step father’s mom Grandma. I don’t want to rock the boat because Isaiah is well adjusted and happy but at the same time I do want him to know his true last name and where he comes from. I keep telling myself when he gets older ….. but when is the right time? Wow I really didn’t mean to comment all this but it just came pouring out!
What a great topic. I see this a lot as well. In fact my parents raised my sister’s children for a couple of years while she sorted some things out. It’s a noble commitment.
🙁 very touching. my husband’s grandparents raised him from time to time and now that it’s a bit dangerous where I live and can’t move right now, they’re taking care of my sons (which I really hate)
Wow, I had no idea this was so common! I’m so glad that they have you in their lives. You’re an amazing person for doing this <3.
They are so lucky to have you, and so is your daughter. Your grand daughters are beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story 🙂
Great topic , and a post so many can relate to. Your granddaughters are lucky to have you!
You’re the one with the brains here. I’m wainhtcg for your posts.
I give you a lot of credit for what you are doing. My mom ended up raising a granddaughter, and I would take her (my niece) on the weekends. One of the hardest things is my oldest sister then hated my mom out of jealousy for taking care of this girl, as she was angry my mom didn’t take care of her kids. She held on to that anger so much, she would not see my mom when she was dying, she said to give her a call when she was dead. Crazy! My mom is long gone now, and now that I’m older, I realize even more how hard it was to take on child rearing at a much older age, and what a horribly thankless job it was. She was a very good mom and grandmom. Now that daughter who dumped her daughter on my mom feels much remorse about how she lived when she was younger.
[…] I will start with a quick recap of how we got to this point in life. About 8 years ago, our oldest daughter started her fight with addiction and she brought her girls to live with their Papa and I. If you would like to know the beginning of that story, I have put a link to that blog post here […]
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